But I'm not going to tell just anyone who calls, asking for my husband, whether he's home or not. Is he right? I don't expect them to write to Miss Manners anytime soon. However, when I gave the letter to my husband to proofread, he said not to send it, and that it was more rude than helpful. I told him later that they should really learn telephone etiquette, and he said "S'not my job." So I took it on myself and wrote them a letter explaining what had happened, and saying I hoped it was more helpful than rude. At least they asked for him by his full name this time, but again I thought it was a telemarketer, so I asked, "Who is calling?" before giving my husband the phone. When my husband got home, I told him what had happened and he called them back.Ī few days later, they called again, asking for Joseph Jones. Jones?" and the lady said "Sorry" and hung up. Jones?"īecause I am female, and because I thought it was a telemarketer, I asked, "Do I sound like Mr. My condolences." Perhaps it would compromise you too much to offer your "deepest condolences." View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's dentist called, mumbled something about a dental practice, and asked, "Mr. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Very well: "Thank you for letting me know. You want the words you speak to be true, but the impression you leave to be false - namely that you are sensitive to their loss. GENTLE READER: Although she can help you, Miss Manners cautions against too much self-congratulation over your intention to be sincere. It would be noticed and questioned and I would end up looking like an insensitive jerk. "Is there anything I can do?" Nope, the family was complicit in their denial of the abuse. "I hope he didn't suffer." That wouldn't be sincere I kinda hope he did, a little. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.) View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one properly express condolences when you are told that a distant family member, who abused you and whom you loathe, has died? Miss Manners is borrowing the Caribbean island for an example, not a metaphor: The effect you are going for is fear, so you will want to include something you actually overheard. GENTLE READER: Stronger measures are necessary when communicating with someone who has just learned that the ex-wife is demanding the sports car as well as the children: "Sir, excuse me for interrupting, but you might not want everyone in the lounge to hear that you are hiding money in your Aruba account." ![]() The man sneered at my husband and continued the call. ![]() My husband stayed for a few more minutes and politely told the gentleman that taking a private call interrupted everyone's calm, and maybe next time he could take the call away from others. A man in his 40s answered a call from his lawyer on his cellphone, then proceeded to loudly rant and rave about his ex-wife and their custody battle.įive of us around him got up and moved after 10 minutes. DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were waiting in an airport lounge before an early morning flight.
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